Posts

Be strong!

I just started to watch a series from Netflix called 13 reasons why . It's about a girl that killed herself and she made a  box of cassette tapes  where she told the people involved how they killed  her. I watched 7 episodes and I had a moment when I though why she did that because she was so beautiful and she could have conquered everything. She could have been so strong if she even tried to do something instead of hiding in books and sitting alone and suffer. I understand that she is suffering because of the bullies. But I don't get it why they even bully her from the beginning . Why they bully other people at all. America is making this image about kids being rude without reason to other kids. In my country I didn't see that kind of behavior . Maybe I am wrong and bullying is visible but I'm the only one that can't see it. Ok, I remember in high-school  a girl that TRIED to bully me but I din't care what she said or think about me. Maybe I cared in th
Post a Comment
Read more

I can't pray anymore

I might have a tiny little problem that I just discovered. I haven't prayed for a while, but I tried now to do it and I just cannot fo it. It feels like there is no one there, not anymore. And I feel ashamed to do it. I just can't even start to do it. What can I do to feel Him close again?
Post a Comment
Read more

Punish myself

I punished this night again. I got mad at myself again so I decided I don't want to sleep at all. I could hardly resist so I will not do a stupid and crazy thing that he can see. We had this truthful conversation about feelings and I told him that I love him. And that I have a lot of love to give, and he said.. that he doesn't have love to offer. I felt stupid that I fell for him. I needed to punish me again for: - being so transparent - showing my feelings - having this kind of feeling where I can't just keep it to myself and I can't stop myself from saying it - showing him my pain, that I am weak - telling him about my exes - for being this crazy I had a crazy moment in the past when because I lost the battle I went to one of my exes place with a pack of cigarettes because I wanted to smoke. I never smoked before and I just wanted to be wild, to drag his attention to me, I guess... He told me I am crazy and I was so mad and crazy that I couldn't handl
Post a Comment
Read more